


evanesce

by LadyAllana



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Invitation (Fan Meeting), Kim Heechul-centric, TikTok, the relationship is implied but not really there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27621827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAllana/pseuds/LadyAllana
Summary: Inspired by Henry's tiktok video, a look at the backstage of the recent fanmeeting.
Relationships: Henry Lau/Lee Donghae
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	evanesce

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wanted to write a drabble about Donghae and Henry because why the hell not, but Heechul was there and I have lots of 15th Anniversary Heechul is back feels. So this is mostly about Heechul and the D/H thing is implied more than anything, sorry to disappoint you guys.

**_evanesce_ **

/ˌiːvəˈnɛs,ɛvəˈnɛs/

_verb: pass out of sight, memory, or existence._

The surprise factor is quite unwarranted, and really thoroughly his fault. For all his manic excitement about the team schedules, he is bone dead tired. Not having any time to himself doesn’t help with it much, not after spending so much time on his own the past year. Not that he was alone alone per say, but it is difficult to try and fit yourself into the group dynamic again, especially after the empty spots of your absence have been filled already. It is something that cannot be helped, but to feel like a stranger to a group of people he has called family for years is a strange feeling to be sure, the bad connotations of that twisting feeling in his stomach, he dares not to ponder upon.

And really, he is trying to be understanding of the situation as best as he can, but it has been hard on him. Even harder on what he has tentatively termed them that given 20-minute break between schedules in the car, he spends the trip sleepily mumbling on the phone about everything and nothing until one of them is inevitably called away by business they cannot escape. It is a happy thing to be so busy, but this aspect of the job has always stung deep during comeback time. But it’s a part of his life, his present, his today, that he is not willing to give up yet, if ever.

So many things have slipped away from his fingers when he stopped trying, when he stopped putting in the effort and the only if nags at him constantly, even after all those years. Being tired is better than being left alone… and what a depressing thought that is. He tries to keep different parts of his life apart, so it kind of sucks that the pain tries to seep in here, when all he wants today is to bask in the happiness of having so many of his loved ones around him again.

He ends the phone call with endearments that is not really his style but that makes him feel somewhat more peaceful and then, conveniently his phone is taken away from him once he is sat forcefully upon the makeup chair, either because they think he will remain distracted about the previous conversation or more likely because he is prone to giving spoilers to his fans through bubble these days. Regardless, he doesn’t even realize something is up until Siwon, who is going around collecting lunch orders, asks for an extra serving of something he really doesn’t like. He is about to protest and ask for something else but the maknae Kims stabs his eyelid with the sharp tip of the liner so he settles back down and drifts off as they finish with his hair.

So you can imagine just how big of a shock it is to see Henry staring down at him smiling like a fool when he is finally woken up when the food arrives.

“Hi, hyung! Long time no see!”

*

Somehow he and Donghae are whipped in, because it is a common occurrence to be whipped for the maknaes even if you can no longer call them your own, to film for a tiktok challenge Henry is recently obsessed with.

_Recreating memories._

Looking at the picture Henry giddily shows them, it’s hard not to reflexively want to get away from it, especially today when they are faced with so many memories carefully scrapped and put together. 

Their lives, made picture-perfect.

And Henry here, with his knick knack full of fond memories, sticking out like a sore thumb that he is sure the managers would cut and throw away if they dared to mess with them today. 

Tied to a string, Henry is already a kite that has been cut away from them. 

He should be grateful for each day he is able to see him singing among the clouds, happy with the wind finally under his wings after being stuck with them for so long. 

For all the fullness in his heart being with his members again  today, the cold empty spots hurt  something fierce. They slip away more when Heechul tries to hold on to them, so he wants to get away from Henry if he can, as if just having him as memory, as something he can keep in happy memories and pictures will make him more real somehow. 

The tired and crying Henry he has seen at the very last of it, the frustration and the anger and the cold acceptance had been more comfortable than this almost theatrical display of happiness. Of playing it for the cameras, of Donghae  disappearing the moment the camera is turned off because he needs to speak with Hyukjae right freaking now. 

So Heechul does what he does best, he cracks a joke and starts talking about something completely unrelated, pretending not to notice the crestfallen expression  Henry’s face.

*

Henry sits next to him, his plastic set carefully apart when once he would have been all over him, complaining and nagging and joking, making it impossible for him to focus on the performance. God knows how much he did it that last world tour, taking his mind off his leg as the others dance their lungs out on the stage and he was stuck backstage with these dongsaengs he was never truly given the chance to get closer with.

Zhoumi, these days, seems like worlds away though he knows he recently had a collaboration with Ryeowook.

Hangeng… is happy.

Henry, sitting alone even though he, the hyung, is right next to him, alone in a building he can no longer call his own, watches the stage silently. His eyes fixed on the stage of _This is Love._

He is watching Donghae.

Heechul doesn’t know the history of it enough, except that there had been something there and it no longer is now. 

Everything is achingly familiar and so very foreign now. 

He is happier than he has been in a long time, but sitting here like this, unable to put an arm around Henry’s shoulder s, to mess with his hair or flick his ear hurts in a way that is hard to describe. At least  it is  hard if he doesn’t want to open the door to a thousand difficult memories he desperately needs to keep at bay today. 

In 15 minutes, Jungsoo will call him back up on the stage, where he has to clap along, smile along, pretend to be happy even though he is feeling truly happy today. So happy, except not completely. 

What a selfish feeling. 

In 15 minutes, he will leave Henry alone, once again, and join the rest of his members. Stand on the stage, sing on the stage, breath the same sweaty, chemical air once again as Super Junior’s Heechul. 

Now he sits and watches, as Kyuhyun and Ryeowook try to catch his gaze and serenade to him, as Jungsoo shoots a concerned look their way, as Donghae pretends not to have his gaze stuck in a single spot. 

Without taking his eyes away from the members, away from this perfect near future, he reaches an arm out, finds and squeezes Henry’s hand on his lap, against the cold  dark  divide between white plastic chairs. 

Fingers lock together, and maybe if he squeezes hard enough, tries just a little bit, though he knows that he can never tie him back down, perhaps he can make it so that Henry does not disappear from their sky.

On the speakers,  _Evanesce_ starts playing. 


End file.
